You're Standing On My Neck
by Shinoda Senshi
Summary: WWF Divas plead their case *Warning: Sever Diva Bashing*


Disclaimer: I own none of the WWF Divas... not that I ever would want to! Daria, Jane, and Ms. Li belong to MTV and I'm just using them for the time being because I think they're cool! Well.. except for Ms. Li. 

**You're Standing On My Neck **

La la la la la 

  


-The DLL Minivan pulls up to a high school. Sean's in the driver's seat and Rogue in the passenger side. Behind them are Meg and Judi. In the back are Jackie, Nessa, and Shelly- 

Sean: Well, here we are... -looks out Rogue's window- Umm... does this place look familiar to you? 

Rogue: -eyes bug out- No way! -jumps out of the car- 

-Standing on the sidewalk in front of the school were Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane- 

Rogue: You guys are the welcoming committee?! 

Daria: More or less. 

Judi: -turns to Rogue- You know them? 

Rogue: You betcha! 

Daria: I'm Daria Morgendorffer and this is my partner in crime, Jane Lane. 

Jane: We're here to welcome you to -does a Ms. Li impression- Laaaaawwwwnnnndale High! 

Daria: We can hardly contain ourselves. 

Judi: How exactly did you girls get this assignment? 

Jane: -tries to be enthusiastic- We volunteered. 

All except Jane, Daria, Sean, and Rogue: o_O 

Rogue: -to Daria- Something you can put on your college applications under "Extra Curricular Activities"? 

Daria: It seemed quick and painless -beat- at the time. 

Sean: -to Jane- Extra credit? 

Jane: How else am I gonna maintain my C average in math. -turns to Daria- I like the way they think. 

Nessa: That's why we always have them around. 

Jackie: Round the clock laughs. 

-The group enters the school and finds the assigned classroom. Standing in front of the room is Ms. Li, Mr. O'Neil, and Linda McMahon- 

Linda: -after the group finds their seats- On behalf of the WWF, I'd like to thank you ladies for joining us today. You all are assets to the company. As you all may know -notices the blank stares- ... or may not know... some of the Divas have been wondering why they aren't included on your website... 

Meg: The fact that we're interested in the MALE wrestlers of the WWF was too much for them to understand? 

Linda: -sighs- They believe that it shouldn't be based on gender. 

Mr. O'Neil: I think that's a great idea! 

Judi: I guess the "wrestling" part went way over their heads... 

Linda: I know, I know... But they've decided to make a presentation for their cause... at least they're doing something productive with their free time. And now... 

Ms. Li: -ahem- 

Linda: -rolls eyes- Oh yes... And we'd like to thank Ms. Li for letting us have this meeting in her high school. 

Ms. Li: There will be monetary compensation, correct? 

Linda: -sighs- Yes, Ms. Li. 

Daria: Great.. more misplaced school funds... 

Mr. O'Neil: Before we begin, are there any questions? 

Jane: -raises her hand- This extra credit WILL transfer over to my math grade, right? 

Mr. O'Neil: -sigh- Yes, Joan. 

Jane: That's Jane. 

Mr. O'Neil: Of course... 

Rogue: -raises hand- I believe I was promised Cocoa Puffs... 

All except Sean: O__O 

Mr. O.: Yes.. of course.. -pulls box from behind desk and hands it to Rogue- 

Rogue: -begins opening the box- 

Ms. Li: No eating in class. 

Rogue: -pouts- But.. 

Ms. Li: No eating.. or it's detention! 

Sean: -whispers to Rogue- I think the pressure of being a high school principal has finally made her snap... 

Ms. Li: -stalks over to Sean- And what exactly are you doing here? You're a boy! 

Sean: You're power of observation is astounding... 

Ms. Li: But I was under the impression that this was a WOMEN'S group. What exactly is YOUR position? 

Sean: Supervision. 

Ms. Li: Whose? 

Sean: -looks at Rogue, who is intently reading the back of the cereal box and giggling every now and then- Hers. 

Ms. Li: I... see... 

Jackie: -raises hand- I have a question. Where's the janitor's closet? 

Ms. Li: Umm... down the hall.. last door on the right. 

Jackie: Thank you! -leaves the room- 

Shelly: -turns to Nessa- What's she up to? 

Nessa: -smiles innocently- I have no idea... 

Sean: Well.. looks like things are going to get interesting! 

Ms. Li: If you need me, I'll be in my office. 

Mr. O.: And if there aren't any more questions... 

Daria: -raises her hand- Actually, I have one... how much of a negative effect will seeing perky, silicon enhanced, women who make more than I could ever dream of be on my ever wavering self esteem? 

Mr. O.: Well... I don't think... -bursts into tears and runs out of the room- 

Linda: -smirks- She's good... Anyway, here's this afternoon's presentation. 

-Stephanie McMahon, Terri, Torrie Wilson, Stacy Keibler, and Lita walk into the room- 

Linda: Trish should be with us shortly. She had to use the ladies room. 

Steph: If you'll notice, on the desk in front of you are note pads so you can take notes on our presentation. 

Meg: Leather bound.. Why am I not surprised? 

Steph: You're the one dating me EX-husband, aren't you? 

Meg: Yes... 

Sean: -whispers to Rogue- Five bucks says Meg decks her... 

Rogue: Bet! -spitshakes with Sean- 

Steph: ANYWAY.. back to our presentation.. I have graciously agreed to go last since I know that my argument will sway you the most. 

-Jackie walks into the room and takes her seat- 

Steph: Trish was supposed to go first, but she is currently preoccupied... 

Jackie: -whispers- I'll say she is... 

Shelly: What are you up to now, Jackson? 

Jackie: -smiles innocently- Nothing.. -notices no one's buying it- I'll tell y'all later. 

Steph: So, Terri will go first. 

Terri: -happily- I brought slides! 

-Stacy dims the lights as Terri turns on the projector- 

Terri: And here's a picture of me on the beach. Don't you just love the beach? -click- Oh, and here's another one of me on the beach! Isn't that nice.. I don't really like the way my hair looks in this picture.. but I love the outfit I'm wearing... 

Judi: Kill... me... now... 

Jane: The horror... THE HORROR!! 

Rogue: When will the hurting stop? 

Sean: I just know this is going to give me nightmares! 

-Suddenly, the screen goes white and the lights on the projector go off- 

Terri: Aww... the projector's broken! Oh well... 

-As she turns the lights back on, Shelly sits down- 

Shelly: -notices her sisters, Daria, Jane, and Sean looking at her- I unplugged the projector... ^______^ 

Sean: -kneels in front of Shelly- I am humbled by your genius. -kisses her hand and returns to his seat. 

Steph: Thank you Terri.. I have no idea what you were doing.. but you did manage to waste our time.. Up next is Stacy. 

Stacy: -reads from card- Hello... I.. am.. Stacy... -flips to next card- Keibler... I.. would.. like.. to be.. on your.. site.. because... 

Nessa: That trip through the table must've really done some damage. 

Jackie: R i g h t ... Blame the table... 

Judi: Let me handle this... -loud enough for Stacy to hear- You know... I hear Victoria's Secret is have a 50% off sale.. today only... 

Stacy: SALE! -runs out the building at top speed- 

Steph: Well.. wasn't that.. interesting... -notices Rogue writing feverously in the notepad- See! Someone's enjoying the fruits of my hard work... 

Sean: -leans over Rogue's shoulder- She's drawing GIR from Invader Zim... 

Rogue: I like tacos! 

Steph: Anyway.. Up next is Torrie... umm.. Torrie? 

Torrie: -stands in front of Sean's desk, twirling her hair around her finger- I'm Torrie! 

Sean: -draws on his own notepad- You must be so proud... 

Torrie: And I won the Golden Thong. 

Sean: -still not looking up from pad- My goodness... That must be uncomfortable... 

Daria: -to Rogue- Don't look now, but it looks like she's trying to steal your boyfriend... 

Rogue: -seething- Oh really.... I'll be right back... -leaves room- 

Torrie: You know, since Tajiri and I broke it off, I'm not really seeing anyone right now. I think you and I could have a really good time together. 

Sean: And you base this on what exactly? 

Jane: I wonder if Barbie knows she's wearing her tube top... 

Sean: -notices Rogue- O_O ... Umm.. I think I'm gonna sit over here now.. -moves to a sit on his left- 

Torrie: Okay... 

Rogue: Yo! Blondie! 

Torrie: -turns around- Who? Me? 

Rogue: -throws a bucketful of cold water on Torrie- That should cool you off! 

Torrie: -shrieks- MY HAIR!!! -runs out the room- 

Meg: I hope her outfit doesn't shrink.. It could cut off the circulation to her brain... 

Judi: I think that was cut off long ago... 

Daria: -to Jane- What time is it? 

Jane: 3:05.. why? 

Daria: Well.. school just let out... and a silicon enhanced bimbo just ran out of here doused in ice cold water... 

Rogue: -smiles and takes her seat- Those high school boys are sure gonna get a thrill! 

Steph: -to Meg- Since you're intent on being with Hunter, there are a few things you might want to know.. First of all, he snores.. loudly! Secondly... 

Meg: -pulls out Swiss Army Knife- Now.. where is that thing... knife.. no... cork screw.. no.. ah ha! -pulls out a frying pan and bonks Steph on the head- That should keep her quiet! 

Sean: -to Rogue- Ha! I win the bet! 

Rogue: Nuh uh... You said deck... That was definitely a bonk. 

Sean: Who cares? Unconscious is unconscious. 

Rogue: -whines- But I don't have any money! 

Sean: Wanna trade somethin for it? 

Rogue: -pouts- Like what? 

-Sean whispers something in Rogue's ear that causes her to blush.- 

Rogue: You wanna go do that now? 

Sean: Yuh huh! 

Rogue: Okie Dokie! ^____^ 

Linda: What exactly is that thing anyway? 

Meg: Acme's Handy Dandy Pocket Knife... Rogue gave it to me for Christmas... 

Rogue: -grins- Acme: Seller of outrageous gadgets that other companies won't.. 

Sean: ...Cause it's a felony in most states. 

-Sean and Rogue dash out of the room and down the hall, giggling most of the way.- 

Linda: Well, looks like Lita is the only one left... 

Jackie: Oh dear... No good can come from this... 

Lita: -moves to the front of the room- Hi! I'm Lita! And I think I should be included on the site because... it just feels right! 

Jackie: -turns around to Nessa who is sitting behind here- O_O -ducks down under the desk- 

-As Lita continues her speech, an arrow flies from out of nowhere and hits her in the side- 

Lita: -screams- AHHHHHH!!! -grabs her side, falls to the floor, and crawls out of the room, leaving a trail of blood- 

-Nessa stands up, holding a crossbow, and walks over to the door- 

Nessa: -turns to the others and smiles- Ah'll be back! -raises crossbow and rushes out the door- 

Linda: Well... Since there are no more presentations.. I guess we can call this a wrap... -mumbles- I think I need a drink... 

-Everyone gathers their things and begin to leave. As they're about to leave, Rogue and Sean show up. Rogue's hair is disheveled and her shirt is buttoned up wrong.- 

Shelly: And what exactly were you two doing? 

Judi: I think we know what they were doing... The correct question is: Where did they do it? 

-Nessa comes back in with a satisfied look on her face. After dropping the crossbow into her bag, she notices Rogue and Sean and gives them the once over.- 

Nessa: -whispers to Sean- Looks like you left the barn door open... 

Sean: -turns five shades of red and finally zips up- Umm... Thanks... 

Meg: -turns to Jackie- Okay, sis.. spill it... What did you do? 

Jackie: -smiles- You remember when I went to the bathroom before the presentations started? 

All: Yeah... 

Jackie: Well, as I was walking out, Trish was walking in.. I saw which stall she went into... 

All: And... 

Jackie: -hands Judi a piece of crumpled paper- 

Judi: -reads the paper- "Acme's Quick Drying Cement"... o_O -sweatdrop- 

Shelly: You didn't? 

Jackie: Yup! Got it from the janitor's closet. 

Nessa: There's no way she'll be able to climb over the stall in those high heels... 

Jackie: And she wouldn't think of trying to crawl underneath... and get herself all dirty... 

Sean: She'd have to deflate her chest just to fit under the door! 

All: -laugh hysterically- 

Jane: So far, people have been shot, bonked, and sealed... 

Daria: -smile- Today was a good day. 

Jane: This calls for a celebration... Let's head over to the pizza parlor! 

Rogue: Sounds like a plan! 

-They all link arms, walk out of the building and off into the sunset. Meanwhile...- 

Trish: Hello? Helllllooooooo? Somebody? Anybody? Little help?… 


End file.
